The Good Life for Less: A Happiness Upgrade

Jim and I began our married lives in austerity. We were students with time left on our degrees and meager student jobs to augment parental support.

Our first anniversary is remembered as the Ben & Jerry's milkshake anniversary. Milkshake- not milkshakes.

Those early days of rice and potatoes left us reading a lot of budgeting (and healthy eating) books (trust me, you pay later for a cheap all-starch diet).

I met Amy Allen Clark in 2008 at a mom blogger event. In a connecting flight back to the Midwest, Amy and I talked about our families- especially about adding a second child (as I was pregnant with Scout). Amy's lively spirit and positivity are contagious. I was sorry when I had to run (neither figuratively nor gracefully) for my next flight.

Since that time, I've faithfully read Amy's blogs at Mom Advice. Amy's elegantly simple solutions to household issues, like using a backwards daybed with a newly independent sleeper, have shaped my home. Her Notebook posts offer a maven's eye-view of great recent blog recipes, patterns and projects- and are one of the highlights of my feed reader.

When her publisher (Perigee, an imprint of Penguin) offered me a chance to read her new book The Good Life for Less: Giving Your Family Great Meals, Good Times, and a Happy Home on a Budget, I was excited to see Amy's take on the seemingly-familiar world of budget living.

The matter of finances is timely for our family. As we've worked to make shrinking ends meet (growing medical expenses and a few annual payroll freezes), I've been resisting the need to rethink our financial lives. Revisiting our budget with new constraints seemed more like my personal failure than anything else.

The text radiates Amy's warm energy. As I read the stories of Amy's family's journey to frugality, I kept stumbling into great memories from my own childhood. Rather than looking toward a slightly grave new austerity, I found myself excited to launch into a life that celebrates the riches already abundant in my life.

Without using the term, Amy's book embodies many Simple Living philosophies. The Good Life for Less reminded me of sitting together with my parents and brother eating homemade fudge and popcorn as we watched a favorite movie on broadcast television. Her family's Friday pizza nights made me think fondly of similar evenings in high school were I regularly attended my buddy's weekly family's pizza night and drank copious amounts of sweet tea while we played cards afterwards. Simple, wonderful times.

Amy includes many great budget-friendly recipes that I wish we'd had back in the early days of our marriage. Her homemade chai mix is not only a great gift option, but offers one of my favorite indulgences at a great value.

It was also great to read the book while feeling swamped by the holidays. Like many parents, I struggle about how much to get my kids. Her family's current formula of "Something you want, something you need, something to wear, and something to read" is exactly the gift-giving framework I have been searching for. This formula allows for creativity, utility and wish-granting tailored to each member of the family.

There are so many parts of the book I could excerpt here as simple tips (because it is brimming with brilliance), but Amy's stories set mental gears spinning. With renewed creativity and joy, I'm identifying and capitalizing on those simple systems and moments that bring happiness and satisfaction to my family. A shocking number of those life upgrades come at no expense.

***Baby Toolkit is the ongoing story of two geek parents in the Midwest. I do know Amy Allen Clark, but have no financial relationship with her (other than the fiscal benefits of reading her blog and book) nor her publishers. We are Amazon affiliates, so a small portion of purchases made through our Amazon links helps support our blogging and podcasting (www.greatbigtable.com) efforts. Thanks!

All Together Now: Tangling with Gamewright's Forbidden Island

Every couple of weeks, Adrienne, Ranger and I (and perhaps a friend or two) launch an expedition to a sinking island in search of ancient artifacts of legendary power. If luck is on our side, if we keep our lines of communication open and if we focus on cooperating, we might unearth The Crystal of Fire, The Earth Stone, The Ocean's Chalice and The Statue of the Wind before our helicopter pad sinks into the treacherous waters of the surrounding ocean. If we don't, we'll be cut off from returning home and forever seal our fates... at least until we reset the board and try again.

"What the heck's going on!?!"  you might ask.

Well, we've been playing Forbidden Island.

Introduction

Forbidden Island is a cooperative board game of daring treasure hunting that pits all the players against the game itself. The players of the game either win or lose as a group. Forbidden Island is designed by Matt Leacock, designer of two other of our favorite board game titles, Pandemic and Roll Through the Ages: The Bronze Age. It is published by Gamewright, who also publishes another game we reviewed recently and thoroughly enjoy, Rory's Story Cubes (check out our review, To Tell A Tale: Rory's Story Cubes). C.B. Canga's full color art illustrates the exotic locales of the sinking island.

Setup

At the beginning of each game, the players shuffle the twenty four island tiles and place them one by one into the cross layout as illustrated in the Forbidden Island rule book. Next, the four plastic figures representing the treasures of The Crystal of Fire, The Earth Stone, The Ocean's Chalice and The Statue of the Wind are placed in the four open corners of the island.

Forbidden Island includes fifty eight cards that are split into two decks. The red backed Treasure Deck includes twenty treasure cards (five for each treasure), three Waters Rise! cards, three Helicopter Lift cards, and two Sandbag cards. The Treasure Deck is the resource deck of the game, giving players the items that they will need in order to complete their objective. They'll have to watch out, though, as the Waters Rise! cards randomly cause areas of the island to sink and be removed from the board. The Treasure Deck is shuffled and placed to one side of the island layout.

The blue backed Flood Deck consists of twenty four cards, each representing one of the tile cards that make up the island. The Flood Deck is shuffled and placed on the opposite side of the island layout. The island's already started to flood and to represent that, six cards are drawn from the Flood Deck. For each card that is drawn, the players flip the corresponding island tile from its full color side to its blue toned flooded side.

There are six adventurer cards that represent the different treasure hunters that are coming to explore the island. Each adventurer has special skills that let them ignore or break specific rules of the game. Exploiting your adventurers' skills at the right time will be critical to your success or failure on Forbidden Island.

The six adventurers and there special skills are:

Diver: The diver is represented by the black pawn and can move through one or more adjacent flooded tiles and/or sunken tiles for one action as long as he (or she) ends the turn on a tile.

Engineer: The engineer is represented by the red pawn and can shore up two flooded (blue colored) island cards for one action.

Explorer: The explorer is represented by the green pawn and can move and/or shore up flooded tiles diagonally.

Messenger: The messenger is represented by the gray pawn can give treasure cards from their hand to a player anywhere for one action per card.

Navigator: The navigator is represented by the yellow pawn and can move another player up to two adjacent tiles for one action.

Pilot: The pilot is represented by the blue pawn and can fly to any tile on the island for one action once per turn.

During the setup phase, the six adventurer cards are shuffled and randomly dealt to each player. The pawns representing the adventurers are then placed on the island by finding the island tile that has the corresponding pawn icon.

Next, the adventurers are outfitted with their initial gear by drawing two cards from the shuffled Treasure Deck. If they draw a Waters Rise! card, they draw a replacement treasure card and shuffle the Waters Rise! card back into the deck. All cards are left face up in front of the players in order to make it easier to cooperate when completing their player's goals.

Once all of the adventurers are outfitted with two Treasure Deck cards, the group decides on the difficulty level of the game and set's the Water Level  marker on the Water Meter. The closer the marker is to the top, the harder the game will be. For beginning players, the Novice level is recommended which, while being easier, doesn't guarantee a win for the group.

That's it for setup. As you can see, there are a lot of elements that add to the re-playability of the game. The island is going to be in a different configuration every game (with a special note on that at the end of this review). Your group of players will also have different adventurers with different roles and their starting tiles will most likely be in a different starting position every game. And finally, as your group gets better at the game, winning more times than losing, they can start at increasingly difficult water levels.

So, how do you play the game?

Playing Forbidden Island

Each player's turn consists of three phases. During the first phase they can take up to three actions. After they have finished their actions, they must draw two Treasure Deck cards. Finally, they must draw the number of cards from the Flood Deck equal to the current Water Level on the Water Meter. Let's break each of those down. As we look at the basic rules of play, remember the special abilities of each adventurer that allow them to break specific rules during their turns. Players have three actions that they may take.

On their turn, players can move to an adjacent tile above, below, to the left or to the right of their current position. They can make multiple moves during their turn, with each move costing one action. The only restriction for most adventures is that they can't move over or stop on an area with missing, sunken, tiles.

Another option is for the player to shore up a flooded tile. Players may shore up tiles adjacent above, below, to the left, or to the right of their pawn's position. When a player announces that they are going to shore up a flooded island tile, they flip it from it's blue flooded side to its full color side. Each time a player shores up a flooded island tile, it takes one of their three actions.

If two or more players have their pawns on the same island tile, they may then spend one of their three actions to exchange Treasure Cards. Players may not exchange special action cards and they must stay within the five card hand limit. They may exchange as many cards as they have action points remaining as long as they don't go over their hand limit.

Finally, if players are occupying one of the two island tiles that can house each of the Forbidden Island treasures, they can exchange, if they have them, four treasure cards matching the particular treasure in order to capture it. Once captured, they put the four matching Treasure Cards into the discard pile and take the corresponding plastic treasure miniature and put it in front of them.

After spending their three action points, players must then draw two treasure cards into their hand. If they are over the hand limit of five cards, they must discard the excess into the Treasure Card discard pile. The Special Action cards include the three Helicopter Lifts and two Sandbags. A player can play a Special Action card at any time, whether it is their turn or not, and it does not cost any action points.

If a player draws a Waters Rise! card, they must immediately move the Water Level marker up one tick mark on the Water Meter. They then must take all the cards in the Flood Deck discard pile, shuffle them, and put them on top of the Flood Deck. This has the effect of making it more likely that flooded tiles will then sink. Then they discard the card to the Treasure discard pile.

As their last action, players must draw the number of Flood cards indicated on the Water Meter. For each card that is drawn from the Flood Deck, the corresponding island tile is flipped over if it is not already flooded or removed, along with the Flood Deck card, from the game. In this way the island sections first flood and, if they are not shored up, eventually sink into the ocean. As the island sinks away at an ever increasing rate, the players will have fewer and fewer routes to complete their goal of capturing all four treasures from Forbidden Island. If a pawn is on a flooded tile that then sinks, the tile is removed and the player must move to an adjacent tile. If a tile doesn't exist within one space, it sinks into the ocean as well and all the player's lose.

Speaking of losing, how do you win a game of Forbidden Island?

Winning (and Losing) Forbidden Island

As I said in the beginning, Forbidden Island is a cooperative game. Players win or lose the game together. Here's the tricky part. There is one, and only one, way to win Forbidden Island. The players must first capture all four treasures. Then all of the players must move their pawns to the Fool's Landing helicopter pad island tile. Then one player must discard a Helicopter Lift special action Treasure Card to lift the entire team off the sinking island. That's a tall order.

So how do you lose? I'm glad you asked.

There are four ways to lose a game of Forbidden Island. If a set of the island tiles that houses the treasures sinks into the ocean before the treasure is recovered by a player, the players lose the game.  If the Fools Landing tile sinks, cutting off your player's chance to reach the helicopter and escape the sinking island, the players lose the game. As stated earlier, if a player is on a island tile that sinks and is not close enough to another tile to swim to safety, the players lose the game. If the Water Level on the Water Meter rises to the skull and crossbones, the players lose the game.

This may seem harsh to some of our readers. I won't lie, this can be difficult, especially as you gain experience and confidence and start the game further and further up the Water Meter, ratcheting up your starting difficulty. But I will say that playing, and winning a game of Forbidden Island is an event, especially if your players really get into the idea of being treasure hunters and try hard to work together. When you lose, which will happen (heck it might happen the first couple of times you play and continue to happen off and on throughout the time that you own the game), you will all feel it together. You'll talk about what you might have been able to do differently. You'll commiserate over the bad luck of drawing the wrong flood card at the wrong time. You'll wonder if things would have been different if you had a different assortment of roles. Remember, this is a game for two to four players and you have six special roles that are randomly assigned.

And then... you'll want to set the whole thing up and try again. This game is addictive. And when you win, I'll bet you'll do what every group I've played this game with has done. You'll jump up from your chair and cheer and give high fives all around. You'll rehash the close calls and the clever plays. You'll relish the adventure of it. When's the last time you did that when playing Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit. When was the last time that you played any game that left everyone playing feeling so good.

So, while it is hard. It's definitely worth the effort.

Components and Cost


Forbidden Island comes in a beautiful full color embossed metal tin. Inside, a molded plastic insert holds the twenty four full color thick cardboard tiles that make up the island. There are six colored wooden pawns representing each adventurer. Additionally, there are the Flood, Treasure and Adventurer decks outlined earlier and the Water Meter. Finally there are four color plastic miniatures which evocatively represent Forbidden Island's lost treasures. All of which fits nicely in this lovely tin with the clearly written and wonderfully laid out full color game rules. All of the tiles and cards are linen backed so they should be able to withstand repeated plays for a long time to come.

Given the quality of the game's tin, components, and rule book, you'd expect Forbidden Island to command a premium collector's game price. One of the most amazing things about the game is that it can be had for under $17. On Amazon.com, Forbidden Island currently lists for $13.44.

Conclusion

Forbidden Island is a great game for two to four players. If you have never played a cooperative game, a genre that has gained popularity in hobby games market in the last few years and one that my family particularly enjoys, Forbidden Island is a fantastic introduction to the category. We love this game as a family and here's why.

Forbidden Island can be played with a diverse range of ages and can still engage everyone involved. We have played this with groups made up only of adults and with mixed groups including players pushing their forties and our five year old son, Ranger. The only difference in the play is that Ranger was more in need of suggestions as to which action to take on his turn. On the other hand, these game sessions enabled him to see how adults evaluated a number of potential actions and chose the few that were most optimal. Over time, he's getting a crash course in creative problem solving. He's also learning how to communicate with other people about a problem and learning how to take suggestions for possible solutions from others.

Forbidden Island captures the imagination. If I'm presented with the choice of playing a card game of Uno or going on a treasure quest to a sinking island, I know which one I'll choose ninety percent of the time.

Forbidden Island builds memories. Like Matt Leacock's other, more expensive, cooperative game Pandemic which focuses on ridding the world of epidemic diseases, a win in Forbidden Island is difficult and memorable. You'll tell stories to other's that you inevitably introduce the game to about an amazing recent win or heartbreaking loss. I still remember the time that a group of co-workers won when there were only four (of the twenty four!) island tiles left on the board. It was the last possible turn before the skull and crossbones was reached and a combination of a lucky card draw, plus having the pilot, won the day. It was intense. It was nail-biting. Everyone screamed and  and stood up and cheered with excitement that we'd actually eked out a win. All in a public snack area with passers by thinking we were crazy. And... it was awesome!

You just can't beat the cost-value calculation of this game. Forbidden Island is cheaper than most kids' games (Sorry, I'm looking at you) and is going to be something that your children's children will be able (and enthusiastically want) to play for years to come. It's not a game that you're going to get bored with easily as it has an amazing amount of re-playability built into its very design. Plus, if you start to get so good that your group regularly wins the game, you can try these European edition and fan created alternate Island tile layouts to increase the challenge level. How well are you going to do on Forbidden Skull Island, or the Forbidden Island of the Crescent Moon?

Are you ready for your family's first expedition to Forbidden Island?

Let us know if you are a fan of cooperative games in general and Forbidden Island in particular in the comments. Happy adventuring.

***Baby Toolkit is brought to you by the neurological happenstance of two geek parents in the midst of the  middle Midwest. While we purchased Forbidden Island from our local Borders (R.I.P.), we do periodically receive review copies from Gamewright. We love Forbidden Island designer Matt Leacock's Pandemic, so we simply could not resist buying Forbidden Island when we saw it in a bookstore- especially since I had a 40% off coupon (sorry, Borders). Expect more game coverage as we're going crazy with GenCon Indy 2011 anticipation.

To Tell a Tale: Rory’s Story Cubes

We are a family in love with stories.

We tell them, we read them, and as this blog attests we often write them down and share them in some form or another with total strangers. Adrienne and I have been readers our whole lives. We even turned to stories, in the form of Barbara Lehman’s wonderfully illustrated but wordless books, to help Ranger learn to better express himself as he described the details of the quirky scenes in Lehman’s illustrations.

For the past year or so, as Ranger has passed from a toddler to a preschooler, he and I have begun to play “story games” to pass the time. While we’re waiting in line somewhere or when car trips are lasting longer than either of our patience, I’ll start asking Ranger semi-directed questions similar to what we’ve practiced with Lehman’s books to fill out the details of a free form story. I might ask, “Who is in the story?” or “What should our story be about?” and as Ranger fills in the details, we begin to explore these free form worlds that we create together. It has become such a part of our life, that Ranger will often interject into any long silence, “Let’s make up a story!”

It’s tremendously fun and puts our creativity through the paces. As I hadn’t done a lot of this sort of thing for a long time, I was rusty at first, but persistence has paid off. What was difficult and awkward at first, is now second nature to us both. We roll with any suggestion and seem to be able to incorporate most any idea into at least a semi-recognizable narrative.

This sort of thing was easier when I was younger. As a young geek child of the 70’s and 80’s, I came of age slinging polyhedral dice while playing role playing games ( or RPGs). My friends and I imagined adventures in underground lairs filled with traps and monsters, smashing cars into each other, going insane from viewing nameless horrors, and hiding out from “The Computer” during endless story telling sessions of Dungeons and Dragons, the Palladium Role Playing Game, Car Wars, Call of Cthulhu, and Paranoia. These “games” were exercises in imagination and storytelling more than winning some sterile objective. I think they helped my writing, encouraged my reading, exercised my imagination and generally improved my overall communication skills.

Ranger’s a little too young for these types of games but luckily there are other games and play activities that are springing up that we happen to really enjoy and that accentuate the story play in which we already engage. One of those play/game activities is Rory’s Story Cubes. Published by Gamewright, Rory’s Story Cubes are nine six sided dice that come in a sturdy magnetically fastened box. Each white dice has a unique black doodle or pictogram on each of its six faces. The pictograms include doodles of a water fountain, a turtle, a bumble bee, a bolt of lighting, a castle keep, fire, and a shooting star. If you do the math, there are 54 images across the die faces. That’s quite a lot of potential story inspiration when you consider all the possible combinations.

The simple idea of Rory’s Story Cubes, is to take some or all of the dice and roll them, and then work alone or together to make up a story that includes elements from all of the face up pictograms. That’s it. It’s a simple activity and, while there are suggested ways to use the cubes, the included booklet also encourages you to use them in any way that inspires fun and creativity. Since there’s no “right” way to do it, kids are free to let their imaginations wonder unhindered by any “correct” interpretation of the images that  they randomly encounter from any particular roll. For instance, one doodle is of an Egyptian scarab as you might find on a pyramid burial chamber wall painting or depicted in an ancient Egyptian cartouche, but Ranger usually incorporates it into his stories as a generic “bug” or a slightly more specific “beetle”.

Some people may be turned off by the randomness of the activity, but I’ve found the activity of making a story (and perhaps not even a good story) from the randomly occurring images to not only be mentally challenging but also very inspirational. I have imagined seeing them being used by writers as a warm up exercise or a way to work through writer’s block. Perhaps teachers could use them in creating writing or speaking prompts for their students. I can just hear high school speech students groaning at the idea of giving a recitation of an extemporaneous story inspired by the fateful roll of the cubes.

I know from experience that the exercise of using the cubes and pushing ourselves to work within their imaginative constraints has broadened Ranger and my general story telling and creation abilities. He’s become surprisingly good at taking a random word or phrase that we may come across and turn it into wonderful little tales. He’s one heck of a storyteller these days. As an example of the types of stories that he now come up with on his own after a couple of months of playing with the cubes, this is my favorite story that he created after I tossed out the phrase “octopus soup” to him in car trip a couple of months back.


Octopus Soup
------------------

Once upon a time, there was octopus soup sitting in a cup on a table. A little girl sitting at the table wanted to try it.

She took a sip and it was wet... and slippery... and yucky. It made her feel dizzy. Then she wobbled off her chair and fell on the floor.

All of the sudden, she turned into an octopus.

When her mommy came into the room, she yelled "Oh no! There's an octopus in my house!"

She picked up the octopus right away and rushed it over to the aquarium and said, "Here. You take it."

When she got home, she couldn't find her daughter and figured out that the octopus was her little girl. So she went back to the aquarium and said, "You have to give me back that octopus! It's really my daughter."

The man at the aquarium said, "Oh good. The octopus turned back into a girl after you left. Here you go... She's a little wet."

When they got back home, the little girl said "I'll just have a peanut butter sandwich."
--------

The box can double as a rolling tray.

Making up stories with anyone, but especially with little kids, is a lot of fun and Rory’s Story Cubes definitely greases the imagination in pursuit of that goal. This simple, portable activity is sure to be a lot of fun for any family, though I wouldn't limit it to just families or kids. I can see it as a great party activity for adults, an icebreaker activity for gatherings, or an improv exercise. It’s a wonderful game to play that we highly recommend. Also, for those that are interested, there’s an iPhone App of the cubes, but there is a visceral thrill in rolling actual dice that is really part of the fun of the whole process. The retail price for the physical Rory's Story Cubes game is $12.99 and comes in a sturdy portable box that is slightly larger than a deck of playing cards.


We’re curious what type of stories that you’d come up with using a roll of Rory’s Story Cubes. Given the rolls in the pictures above, what does your mind come up with? Post them to the comments below.

***Baby Toolkit the sleeper hit blog on a short stretch of a quiet street in Southern Indiana- unless of course one of our neighbors has started a blog (like the clown family down the street- amazingly not a joke). We received a review copy of Rory's Story Cubes from Gamewright. We're Amazon affiliates, so a small portion of purchases made through the Amazon links on the site comes back to us and we use it to pay for connectivity or the downpayment on a Baby Toolkit corporate jet (thanks!).

[Note from Adrienne: Jim's new blog at storiedadventures.blogspot.com hosts even more gaming content.]

A Pessimist reads Raising Happiness

Even as a small child, I usually worried that things would go wrong. Almost every positive future scenario was met with scrutiny: "What if it rains that day?" "What if the car won't start?"

Even this blog springs from my basic assumption that life demand scrutiny and preparation.

In retrospect, I think I wanted insurance against life's disappointments. Decades later, a tornado taught me that being able to protect a placid life is unrealistic and even actual insurance can leave one disappointed and adrift.

Our son's earliest months paralleled some of my most insecure and anxious times, so his tendency toward panic comes as little surprise. I feel tremendous sadness when I see his disproportionate reactions to disappointment or injury.

Because I believe some of his poor reactions are learned from my example, it isn't hard to believe that (with mindful parenting) better reactions can be taught. But how can I, a pessimist, teach my children skills I never really acquired?

Through a friend's reference to a popular happiness book for adults, I stumbled upon a listing for Christine Carter's Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents.

At the time, the book was in pre-release, so I wrote the publishers (Ballantine Books) to request a review copy. Still feeling a reader's high from NutureShock, I allowed myself to hope that a parenting book could be more than a pile of recycled "conventional wisdom" and unfounded opinion. I especially liked the author's training, scientific interest and work in the field of emotional health (unlike similar parenting self-help authored by pediatricians, religious leaders and other peripheral "experts" on children and families).

I had expectations that the book would read like two other sociologist's texts that the touched on happiness and attitude (Stumbling on Happiness and Outliers). These books focused on the outcomes of attitude more than their development. They are reader-friendly assemblies of contemporary research. I looked for this book to be NurtureShock focusing solely on happiness issues. Which it wasn't.

It was much, much more.

Reading the introduction I took some notes that I keep by my bed and now glance at most mornings. Carter's concept of happiness is much more than the temporal mood I previously associated with the word. Additional facets like positive emotions about the past (gratitude, forgiveness, and appreciation), future emotions (optimism, faith, and confidence), and daily actions (love, kindness, and empathy) expanded my definition. My concept of happiness was binary (present or not present), it had no origins or supporting characteristics. I viewed joy as environmental and capricious (somewhat like the weather) rather than something cultivated by daily actions and patterns of small decisions.

Quoting Indian social worker and activist Baba Amte, Dr. Carter reminds "Happiness is a continuous creative activity." This idea would be my 6-word summary of the book's thesis, yet that is like calling Moby Dick "a book about a whale."

When I started the first chapter, the author's conversational style engaged me. The text exudes confidence and authority. However it didn't include the research citations that I am accustomed to in my favorite social science books. My stomach twisted, and I thought this promising book had degraded into a from-the-hip opinion on parenting. With nary a reference or footnote in sight, I told Jim that the book might be unfounded opinion.

I flipped toward the back expecting only an index, but found over twenty pages of detailed annotations (179 in total) and fifteen pages of bibliography all in a truly tiny print (I suspect they would occupy double the pages if printed in the same font as the text). Throughout the book, Carter is continuously engaging cognitive and behavioral science research, but the editorial approach is to keep that academic engagement from cluttering the basic recommendations.

Raising Happiness, though a book about children, took me on a journey of self-assessment. Like the first chapter "Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask First" suggests, I realized I am no help to my children in developing skills that I do not understand. Much of the book made me consider my own approach to the world rather than the attitudes of my children. I guess most good parenting books could be defined as offering transformation to the reader first, then secondary effects for their children.

Each chapter covers one of Carter's recommendations:

1. Put on Your Own Oxygen Mask First
2. Build A Village
3. Expect Effort and Enjoyment, Not Perfection
4. Choose Gratitude, Forgiveness, and Optimism
5. Raise Their Emotional Intelligence
6. Form Happiness Habits
7. Teach Self-Discipline
8. Enjoy the Present Moment
9. Rig Their Environment for Happiness
10. Eat Dinner Together

While some of the recommendations might sound familiar (to the point of being trite), the book is a surprisingly good instructor on practical incremental steps to enacting difficult change. Chapter Four's subsection Practicing the Skills We Need for Forgiveness, Carter draws on the work of Stanford Forgiveness Project researcher Fred Luskin. She clearly translates Luskin's program into 6 steps to use with kids. As a person who sometimes nurtures grudges, I need the careful guidance of someone who understands how to forgive in a way that is beneficial to all parties.

For example:

Step 4 -Teach kids that they suffer when they demand things that life is not going to give them. They can hope for things, of course, and they can work hard to get what they want. But they cannot force things to happen that are outside of their control. When we expect something outside of our control and it doesn't happen, we feel hurt and wronged. Help kids practice letting go of the desire for things that they have no influence over, and redirect their energies toward things they do have control over.

Working as a college advisor, I regularly saw students dealing with uncontrollable forces. The students most likely to prevail were the ones who focused on the next step rather than ruminating over disappointments.

Jim is currently reading Raising Happiness, and it's really interesting to see him adopting some of the techniques with our kids.  I did the same thing when I was reading the book, but it's really illuminating to see the process as an outsider.  Tantrums have been a major issue with our preschooler.  With so many strong-willed people living in the same family, it's not surprising that our ideas come into conflict.  Jim and I have been frustrated by our inability to quell tantrums through constructive means.   We don't ever submit to the demands and often issued punishments, but the outbursts just didn't stop.  Jim has recently begun acknowledging our child's emotions at the beginning of conflict.  He empathizes with the child's feelings without condoning the emerging behavior.  This usually yields immediate positive results.  In our case, I think our child needs to know that we understand his position even if we don't agree with it.  When we simply addressed the inappropriate behavior without any acknowledgment, he would ratchet up his intensity so that we might hear his side.  He didn't understand that his message simply became noise (irritating noise) when he screamed unintelligibly (and why should he understand that with only a few years of linguistic experience)?  The act of empathizing makes me try to re-evaluate the situation, and it often softens my initial appraisal.  This single simple change in our behavior hasn't completely ended all outbursts, but it has shortened their duration greatly and has improved our overall communications as a family.

So many of the small steps in this book resonated and brought to mind people who I admire for their personal and professional successes. Each individual recommendation matched my experience and observations, but I was previously unable to assemble all those random parts into an organized and interpretable whole.

The book is so rich with ideas and suggestions that it lends itself to rereading at different ages and stages.  What leaps out to me today overshadows future areas of interest.  Once I have engaged the content that resonates with me now, I plan to return to the book to consider additional aspects and approaches.

Raising Happiness is a must read (and currently $16.32 at Amazon.com).  And once you've read it, it will probably turn into a permanent addition to your home reference library.

Carter's excellent blog, Half Full, welcomes readers into an ongoing conversation.

***Baby Toolkit loves to read and rarely finds a parenting book we like so much as Raising Happiness.  We have no financial relationship with Christine Carter nor her publisher Ballantine Books.  We requested and received an advance copy of Raising Happiness ($24). A portion of the purchases made through our Amazon links helps fund Baby Toolkit's ongoing operating costs (thank you!).

Potty Positivity: Even Firefighters Go to the Potty

When I asked my friends how they potty trained their kids, more than one responded that her child wanted to be like their older underpants-wearing friends.

Peer pressure seems to hold some sway with young kids. While underpants may motivate the fashionable, how can parents with fashion-indifferent kids make the move out of diapers more alluring?

Wendy Wax and her sister Naomi Wax offer an ingenious lift-a-flap book that makes kids proud to potty.

Even Firefighters Go To The Potty observes that all kinds of people answer Nature's call. Through Stephen Gilpin's colorful and funny illustrations readers wonder where important figures (a police officer, a doctor, a baseball player, a *gasp* waiter, a train engineer, and an astronaut- among others) have gone.

The child can lift a door shaped flap on the page to reveal the missing cool person in the bathroom. The modest pictures keep everything G-rated while still showing urinals and other non-household bathroom features.

The book made me laugh pretty hard. Just as I was acclimating to the rhythm "But an astronaut is missing. Where could he have gone? [life flap] To the potty. Even astronauts go to the potty," I found myself squirming to read "It's a busy day at the restaurant. The Sutton family is ready to order. But where did the waiter go?"

Noooo! Waiters never go to the potty during their shifts. No! No! No!

When Ranger lifted the flap to show a picture of a handsome fellow thoroughly washing his hands, I laughed with delight (and no small measure of relief). Ranger always laughs especially hard at the page because of my initial reaction.

The book is charming and well-drawn and received far more interest than the classic Everyone Poops. Because it's a household comedy hit, I've had the slightly awkward pleasure of reading it to at least one visiting child. The preschool kids all proudly declared that they too go to the potty. I think that kind of enthusiasm would inspire early potter trainers to desire membership in the secret society of the commode.

The book's pages are made of a heavily laminated cardstock. They're really durable. We let the Raptor (15 months) brutally drag the book all over the house and it shows no notable wear after weeks of unchecked abuse.

For $8, this hardcover book is a steal. I wish we had owned it years ago.

Update 3/12:
Wendy reports that Even Ballerinas Go To The Potty is currently being developed. I'd like to note that preschool girls and boys seem equally delighted by Even Firefighters Go To The Potty when we've read it with them.

Parents who think about books and writers thinking about children's books will like Wendy's new blog. Learn more about her other titles at her website.

***Baby Toolkit is the from the trenches communique of two geek parents in the Midwestern United States. Wendy Wax sent us a free copy of Even Firefighters Go To The Potty ($8). We have no financial relationship with the book's authors or publishers. We are Amazon affiliates, so a small percentage of purchases made through our Amazon links help pay for our domain name and DSL service. Thanks for reading Baby Toolkit!

E.T. can now phone home or cell: VTech DS6321-3 simplifies life

In the fall our cordless phone's battery life finally flatlined. Its standby time made the life of a gastrotrich look epic. The very weak signal made all our (very short) phone calls sound as if they were happening on a highly trafficked heliport.

I bought another phone. A lovely system with 3 handsets, a base with answering system, and two charging stations. Now I could grab a cordless phone downstairs, in the kitchen, or in our room. I settled in for a new age of convenience.

But my cell phone kept ringing, especially when both kids napped and I was finally settling in with a book. The easily accessed cordless phone was impotent when a persistent, child-waking wail was coming from a coat pocket, somewhere in my backpack, the kitchen counter, or wherever the young agents of chaos has decided to place it.

Mr. Pavlov would be amused to see me drop whatever I was doing and sprint around the house on a frenzied scavenger hunt to make the bells stop ringing. If I was downstairs, the phone was upstairs (or vice-versa). If the phone and I were in close geographic proximity, it would be usually be hidden in some crazy Russian stacking doll arrangement of bags, pockets, and or toys.

Usually, when my hand made contact with the phone, it would immediately stop ringing. I used to make the rookie mistake of checking the display and attempting a return call, but before I hit send my home phone would begin ringing- far,far away. Let the games resume.

About the time I started leaving the cell phone in the car, VTech offered us a chance to review their new cordless phones. When I skimmed the email, their DS6321-3 looked like a direct competitor to my existing phone. As I was about to hit delete I noticed the phone's killer apps: it connects by Bluetooth with up to two cell phones AND it imports cell phone directories.

The review phones from VTech (retail value $100) have been our primary household phones* for a month. My naptime sprinting scavenger hunts have ended.

As long as a cellphone has Bluetooth activated and is within 30 feet of the base, any handset can receive incoming and make outgoing calls. The Bluetooth radius includes our upstairs kitchen and living room as well as the entry area downstairs where I often leave my coat. If I'm downstairs doing laundry, I can easily answer my cell phone when it's in my bag upstairs. If everyone is napping, and my coat is ringing downstairs I can answer it two places upstairs. My sprinting skills can now being applied to important things like wolf attacks and glasses of juice poised on the very edge of the table.

Proximity of the cell phone to the base can affect call quality. When the phone is nears the outer reaches of Bluetooth communication voices began to sound robotic and signal noise increases.

As new users of Bluetooth, we were surprised by how much it shortens the life of each battery charge. I often put my cell phone on a charger (which I'll review soon) when I'm home to counteract the constant Bluetooth power draw. There's nothing different about power use with VTech, but it is a factor to consider if you're considering this system as your first Bluetooth device.

Each handset can also set the ringer volume for the whole system and retrieve messages from the answering machine on the base.

I put a call on hold (cell or home) to answer or make an outgoing call on another phone. The handset displays caller id information from the cell phone.

Cell phone directory import is really helpful. The cell directories are saved in the system and can be accessed even when the cell phone is not connected to the system.

Jim's LG VX8360 imported flawlessly. My Nokia 6205 (no, we're not smartphone people) only imported the numbers but didn't import the names or number types (e.g. home, cell, work). After a call to tech support, it turns out my phone is incompatible with the system. A few of the compatible systems are listed on Vtech's website, but prospective purchasers might want to call Vtech (800)595-9511 to check compatibility of unlisted phones. Even with the import snafu, I was able to update the entries manually without retyping all those phone numbers. For me, it was a worthwhile effort.

Accessing the cell directories feels cumbersome as a user must navigate a few screens to make a call.

Dialing from the cell directory on the land line was a bit confusing as first. The numbers show as area code and seven digit phone number. The phone doesn't recognize whether it is a local or long-distance number and will dial (xxx)xxx-xxxx if you press send. Neither long-distance nor local calls worked as listed in the cell directory when making calls on the home line. After looking at the manual it turns out the user can toggle between all multiple dialing options with the # key. One press on # makes it long-distance dialing [1(xxx)xxx-xxxx]. Two make it local (xxx-xxxx). Three make it intra-area code long distance (1-xxx-xxxx). Four returns it to the cell listing.

The handset's speakerphone function is really handy while multitasking. Good hands-free function means I can laugh with a good friend while chopping vegetables or type two-handed when I need to look something up. Speakerphone also means the baby can say hi to Grandma without hanging up the phone and that Ranger can tell Jim all about preschool without holding a cordless or cell phone to their head. Recent information on phone radiation and kids makes me wary of them holding any wireless handset to their heads.

The VTech DS6321-3 also allows for the connection of Bluetooth headsets (which emit far less radiation then cordless and cell phones). There are no jacks on the handsets for wired headsets.

The two remote chargers only require an electrical outlet, so they can be placed regardless of phone outlet availability. Because of the phone's digital nature, we put the base and charge stations on surge protectors.

The handsets are compact, but they lack a clip or other hands-free carrying option.

Summary:
We really like the VTech DS6321-3. The simplicity of receiving calls from two phone systems on the same handset removes some stress and chaos from our home. Not having to look up phone numbers on the cell is handy.

The speakerphone options make it possible to take a call and change a diaper at the same time.

It was disappointing to have only a partial import of my cell directory, but even the limited data saved me time in creating a tool I use daily. With compatible phones the import is fast and easy.

We're impressed with how many things the handsets can do. The phone would be improved by a quicker method of accessing cell directories, but the handset menus are generally well designed.

On our long term wish list, I would like to see VTech move toward lower radiation DECT phones which eliminate or reduce broadcast signals when the phones are not in active use. Then they can add a belt clip.

*We always keep an old-school wired phone on our land line, and we strongly recommend that everyone have an unpowered land-line phone which can operate in power outages and emergency situations.

***Baby Toolkit is the independent opinion of geek parents who do not miss their impromptu sprinting, hurdling, and vaulting workouts provided via modern telephony. We received a VTech DS6321-3 phone (MSRP $100) from Vtech's press agents, but we have no financial, emotional, or other notable relationship with VTech or its affiliates. We are Amazon affiliates, so we do receive a small portion of purchases made through our Amazon links. (c) Baby Toolkit 2010.

Munchie Mug: The Snack Cup That Makes Us Eat Our Words

Way back in 2007, we gave up the hunt for an effective snack cup (Snack Traps: Very Small Money Pits). I filed the fantasy of a truly spill-proof snack carrier in with Nessie, Big Foot, and a drive-through diaper store.

When the McNichols posted a wildly favorable review of the Munchie Mug on Z Recommends (titled The Best Snack Holder Ever), I sent an email along the lines of "No! Really? NO!" to receive an emphatic "YES!" in reply.

Mug makers Witty Works Incorporated, upon my request, sent me a Munchie Mug to review.

With genius simplicity, the split panel fabric top offers access without overflow. Forget about the flashy snack cups with gyroscopic motion, kids will figure out how to foil or break those. These straightforward cups are workhorses that always meet user demands.

The Munchie Mug has easily handled regular cleaning and Ranger's toddler (ab)use for ten months. To Ranger's disappointment, the cup accommodates even the large hand of a hungry adult without difficulty or damage.

On the other end of the spectrum, our 11 month old Raptor can also manage the mug's pragmatic design:

Her catch and release technique reminds us that even the best designed cup will be challenged by these tiny agents of entropy. I promise you that the escaped Cheerios are all part of a larger PEBKAC error (problem exists between kid and container in this case). The high lip on the lid that mystified the Z Recs team makes perfect sense when used by a baby. It catches some of the dropped food increasing chances of recovery. The cut-out offers an easy grip (even when crawling) for tiny hands.

The Munchie Mug is the only snack holder that meets our family's expectations. It is made of durable BPA-free polypropylene.

If you're looking for a great baby shower or baby/toddler birthday gift, the Munchie Mug ($15.95) is sure to be a hit with both young'uns and their faithful attendants. Munchie Mug is available with a blue, pink, or yellow lid and an alternate clear storage lid to keep treats fresh and tasty overnight.

***Baby Toolkit has no financial stake in or undisclosed relationship with Witty Works Incorporated. Witty Works sent us a free Munchie Mug to test. We're geek parents with ample opinions and two enthusiastic amateur test engineers. Video: Baby Toolkit, (c) 2009; some rights reserved.

Toddlers See the Light:Teach Me Time! Clock Makes Mornings Easier

Since my shortly after midnight arrival in the world, my dad has called me a night owl. My proclivity for preferring dusk over dawn always frustrated my morning lark parents.

And now I understand. Ranger, like Jim, can be an early riser. When he was in a crib, I would hear an insistent "MOM, I'M UP!" far before I could shake the haze out of my gourd and find my way into the emerging light.

When Thingamababy reviewed a wake-up clock, it caught my imagination, however the clock he reviewed lacked numbers. Ranger loved numbers and analog clocks/watches, so it seemed a shame to choose a picture clock which removed them.

Googling, I found a reference to American Innovative's Teach Me Time! Talking Alarm Clock ($40). On top of having a learning game, audio alarm, and talking time feature, the clock can change colors to indicate waking time.

We put the clock in Ranger's room before his third birthday, so I didn't know what to expect (the recommended ages are 3 and up). As a compromise, I set the alarm for a time that was later than Ranger's rosy fingers of dawn, but earlier than my mid-morning sloth-like crawl from bed. Jim explained that he could call out as soon as the clock turned green in the morning.

The next morning he called out at a reasonable hour ("MOM, it's greeeeen!"). Even the morning's bright glow couldn't dampen my enthusiasm.

In subsequent months, by pressing the clock's talking time toe, Ranger has learned to identify the hour indicated on a clock face. He's still working on minutes, but he loves checking the time. I suspect he'll make the leap in the next year especially if we turn on the learning game. This cute gadget teaches gradually in progressive increments: hours, half hours, quarter hours, and 10 minute intervals.

The control panel is a bit intimidating, but a well-written manual clarifies everything.

If you are looking for something with fewer bells and whistles, American Innovative will soon release an Okay to Wake clock with color alarms and a Tick Talk! clock that allows you or your child to record their own wake messages ($30 each).

We received a sample Teach Me Time! clock ($40 value) from American Innovative after our request. Baby Toolkit has no affiliation with or financial interest in American Innovative. We are not professional chronographers; we're just geek parents with strong opinions (and a little extra sleep each morning).  Disclosure: We are Amazon affiliates and a small portion of purchases made through our Amazon links helps support Baby Toolkit's operating costs (thank you!).